A Loserville TARD's fan on the electric chair. The warden's just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, "Do you have any last requests?" The guy says, "(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?"

A Loserville TARD’s fan has never had sex, and he gets into bed on his wedding night.
His wife gets naked, sits on the bed, and says, "Do you know what I want?"
He says, "No."
She gets in bed, spreads her legs wide, and says, "Now do you know what I want?"
He says, "Yeah...you want the whole bed to yourself."

When my Wife and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the Service department and found a mechanic, a Loserville TARD’s fan, working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied," I know - I already got that side."

A Loserville TARD’s cheerleader had the windows in her house replaced with new double insulated energy efficient windows. Twelve months later she gets an irate call from the contractor complaining that the work has been done for a year and despite repeated bills and dunning notices, she has yet to make the first payment.
The Loserville TARD’s cheerleader replies, "Now don't try to pull a fast one on me. The salesman who sold me those told me that in one year they would pay for themselves."

A Loserville TARD’s fan finally is able to afford to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life... until the boat sank! The fan found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies... Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him.
In disbelief he asks her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But-but, that's impossible," stutters the fan. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place, " she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the fan looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb-struck.
As they walk into the house, her beautiful breasts bouncing with each step, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"
"No thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the fan accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, the fan goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened onto its end, inside of a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses.
"What next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines and a shell necklace-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. I've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right about now, something you've been longing for all these months? You know... " She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing. His heart begins to pound. He's truly in luck: "You mean...", he gasps, "I can actually check my e-mail from here?"

A mother and daughter were riding in a cab though Loserville and the daughter noticed some scantily clad women loitering on a street "Mommy," the little girl asked, "what are all those ladies doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to come home from work." the mother answered.
"C'mon lady, they're hookers!" retorted the cab driver, a Loserville TARD’s fan.
After a stunned silence, the daughter asked, "Mommy, do hookers have children?"
"Of course," the mother replied, "where do you think Loserville TARD fans come from?"

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.
"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.

"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. Rick Prictino, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.

"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."

"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

A UK fan and a Loserville TARD’s fan were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were totaled. They climbed from the wreckage and the UK fan stood in awe. "Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives," he spoke wisely.
"I agree completely," the Loserville TARD’s fan replied.

The UK fan stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within his car. Reaching in, he pulled out an unbroken bottle. "This bottle of wine wasn't even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship."

"That's a great idea," the Loserville TARD’s fan answered taking the bottle from him. He popped the cork and drank his share.

"I'm sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?"

"No, thanks," came the reply from the UK fan. "I'll just wait for the cops to get here."

The bartender was washing his glasses when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.

The Irishman looked down the bar and asked, "Is that Jesus down there?"

The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.
The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who moved very slow. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti.

He also looked down the bar and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting at the end of the bar?”

The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, too.

The third patron to enter the bar was a Loserville TARD’s fan, who swaggered into the bar and hollered, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one!”

“Hey, is that God's Boy down there?"

The barkeep nodded, so the Loserville TARD’s fan told him to give Jesus a cold one, too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"

The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"

The Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door.

Jesus walked toward the Loserville TARD’s fan, but the Loserville TARD’s fan jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me! I'm drawing disability!"

A Loserville TARD’s fan walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"
The TARD replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The TARD stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.
The Loserville TARD’s fan, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."
The TARD stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the TARD breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!"
The bartender, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The Loserville TARD’s fan can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.
The next day the TARD comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

A Loserville TARD’s fan is having terrible headaches, he can't stand the pain and decides to go to a doctor. The doctor tells him his balls are pressing against his spine and causing a reaction that gives headaches, and the only way to cure it is to remove his testicles. The Loserville TARD’s fan goes home, talks to his wife and decides to have the operation the next day.
Once he gets out of the hospital he needs a new suit because the crotch is too big on his old ones. When he gets to the suit store a sales clerk walks up to him and says, ''Neck: 16.5, suit: 42 long, waist: 34.''

The ball-less Loserville TARD’s fan tells him that he's right about everything but the waist size -- he is actually a 32. The clerk replies, ''If you wore a 32 your balls would press against your spine and give you terrible headaches.''

One day a Loserville TARD’s fan decided he wanted to be successful and that he would be most successful in Japan, so after college he moved to Japan looking for an architect job because he was an architect.
Well he looks around for people looking for architects and he finds this guy that is really rich and lives in a huge mansion, so he sets up a conference with this guy that the Japanese call the Siar.

Well the Loserville TARD’s fan goes to the Siar's house and had his interview and the Siar thought he did remarkable work and told him he was so impressed not only did he have the job but he could choose any of his ladies and go to any room in the mansion with her.

So the Loserville TARD’s fan was all excited and he chooses his girl and goes to the room. While the man and the girl he chose are doing their thing the chick keeps yelling "ONI ONI ONI!!" The man thought this meant something good or pleasure, so he continued on.

The next day the Siar invited the Loserville TARD’s fan to go play golf. On the first hole the Siar got a hole in one. The man thought to himself "well this is something good and I know that word ONI maybe I can impress him even more by saying it." So he says to the Siar "ONI ONI ONI ONI!!"

The Siar turns and asks "what do you mean wrong hole?"

This town Inspector for the state of Kentucky was sent to The ULASMELL campus. He drove onto the campus and parked his car. The first thing he saw was a Loserville TARD’s fan chasing a possum down the street. The Loserville TARD’s fan caught the possum and commenced having sex with it in broad daylight in the middle of the street.
The Inspector got all irate and said to himself, "I got to report this to the Campus Sheriff."

He runs to the Sheriff's office next door. The Sheriff wasn't there. The Inspector walked outside, asked a person on the street where the Sheriff might be. The person said at that time of day, the Sheriff was always at the Cardinal Inn bar. So the Inspector went to the bar, walked in, saw the Sheriff standing at the bar. As he was going towards the bar, he noticed an old Loserville TARD’s fan in the corner whacking' off! This really upset him. He went over to confront the Sheriff.

He said, "Sheriff, I’m with the State. I've come to inspect your campus. The first thing I see is a Loserville TARD’s fan chasing a possum down main street; catching it, and comensin' to have sex with it! Then I come to find you to report it, and I see an old Loserville TARD’s fan in the corner whacking' off! How do you explain it?"

The Sheriff cocks his hat back and scratches his head, looked squarely at the Inspector and said, "You don't expect a man his age to catch a possum do ya?"

One day, 2 Loserville TARD’s fans were hanging around town , when they decided that they were thirsty for a drink. They checked their pockets to see how much money they had on them. They were disappointed to only find $1.25.
Finally after a period of deep and intense thought, one of the Loserville TARD’s fan got an idea. He went to a hot dog stand, bought a hot dog, and went to a bar to begin drinking. They did shot after shot, until the bartender told the two that if they wanted any more drinks they better show him that they had some money to pay for them. The Loserville TARD’s fan with the hot dog opened his zipper and put the wiener through the opening. He had his friend get down and start sucking on it. The bartender cursed them and made them leave. They went to bar after bar with this routine until they were dog drunk. They staggered out into the streets, satisfied and wasted.
"Man," one of the Loserville TARD’s fan said, "I've got to admit, that hot dog trick worked great."
"Actually," the second Loserville TARD’s fan said, "I ate the hot dog at the second bar!"

Bob is a regular guy and he is out at The Cardinal Inn, a Loserville TARD’s hangout, one night having a good time. Jack, the bartender and owner of the bar, offered him another drink and as he did Bob spoke up. 'Hey Jack, you're a betting kinda man aren't ya?' 'Maybe Bob, what did ya have in mind.' 'Well Jack, I will bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at the end of your bar and piss into it without spilling a drop.' Jack thought to himself, 'This guy must be a complete moron. There is no way he is gonna make that. This is gonna the easiest grand I've ever made.' 'Okay Bob. you're on.' Jack walked down to the other end of the bar and positioned a shot glass on the end. He walked back behind the bar and said, 'Okay Bob, Let's see what you got.' Bob unzipped his fly and staring pissing all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottle of booze, and all over Jack. Jack roared with laughter and almost fell over. Then he noticed that Bob was sitting at the bar smiling. 'What are you smiling at jackass, you just lost $1,000.' 'Well Bob, ya see that guy over there in the Loserville TARD’s hat writing out a check.' 'Yeah, what about him.' 'Well I just bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar, your walls, your booze and you, and not only wouldn't you be mad, you would laugh hysterically about it.'

A football fan walks into a small shop in Loserville. He spots a bottle labeled "Kentucky Basketball Player Brains" , $5 an ounce. He asks the clerk if there are any other bottles.
The clerk replies, "Well, we've got Indiana brains for $10 an ounce, and Loserville TARD’S brains for $1,000,000 an ounce."
The man says, "Why the big difference in price?"
The clerk answers,” Do you know how many Loserville TARD players we have to kill to get an ounce of brains!"

An man was driving down a country road when he came upon two Loserville TARD’s fans hitchhiking. He told the Loserville TARD’s fans to jump in the back of his pick-up truck.
He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The man scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Loserville TARD’s fans were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic.
As the truck began sinking the man yelled for the Loserville TARD’s fans to get out truck, to which they replied, "We're trying' to get out, but we can't get the dang tailgate open!"

My sources have told me that the Loserville TARD’s cheerleaders will be wearing high-heeled boots at the game this week.
They're tired of having their knuckles drag when they walk!

A Loserville TARD’s cheerleader goes into a casino and goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and got a coke and 30 cents change. She thought it was cool, so she went to the service desk and got 50 $1 dollar bills for a $50 bill. She went back to the machine and kept on doing this and finally she had all these sodas on the floor and
all this change in her pocket.

The manager came over and said, "If you don't mind me asking,

what are you doing?"

The Loserville TARD’s cheerleader replied, "Winning!"

Three elderly ex Loserville TARD’s Cheerleaders are sitting in a park when a flasher comes up and flashes them. The first cheerleader has a stroke. The second cheerleader has a stroke. The third cheerleader doesn't have a stroke; her arms are too short.

Becky and Timmy a couple of Loserville TARD’s fans from Loserville were visiting a relative at the Eddyville, KY prison. Walking down the street form the bus station, they see a sign which reads: 'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair.'

Bucky says to his pal, "Hey Timmy, LOOK! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to Loserville, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talkin' cause if they hear our Loserville TARDs accent they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Boston Accent."

They go in and Bucky orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each.

The owner of the shop says, "You're from Loserville, aren't you?"

"Oh, ... yes," says a surprised Bucky. "How come you know that?"

The owner says, "Cause this is a dry-cleaners."

A Loserville TARD’s fan walks into a travel agency in response to an ad about free river cruises. As the man described why he was there to the lady behind the desk, the woman hits a button and two men spring up behind the guy, beat him up, take his wallet, stuff him into a sack, and throw him out back into the river.
A few moments later another Loserville TARD’s fan walks in and also begins to speak when the woman hits the same button. The two men spring out, beat him up, stuff him in a sack, steal his wallet, and throw him out back into the river.
A few miles down river the two men catch up to one another and the first man says, "I wonder if they serve dinner on this cruise?"
The second replies,” They didn't last year."

A guy went to Loserville and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened.
Furious, he demanded to see the sales manager, and told him "When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the dang radio to work."
The sales manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear.
He got back into the car and said "Country music," and old Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving up I-71 to Covington, and listening to smooth sounds.
Then a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road. "Stupid assholes!" he screamed. The radio immediately blurted out, "TOUCHdooooooooown Looooooooooooserville!!!!"

What does a Loserville TARD’s Cheerleader and cow dung have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Why do Loserville Cheerleaders like tilt steering wheels?
More head room.

What do Loserville TARD’s Cheerleaders put behind their ears to attract men?
Their ankles.

What does a Loserville TARD’s Cheerleader and a turtle have in common?
Once they are on their backs, they're screwed.

It was graduation day at the University of Loserville, and the professors were giving out the degrees.

The crowd started chanting "Bucky, Bucky, Bucky!"

The president of the University asked, "Who's Bucky?"

"Bucky is a guy who's been at the University for twenty years, and hasn't graduated," replied one of the professors.

The president called Bucky up and told him that if he can answer one question, he would graduate. He asked him, "What is 4+4?"

"8," Bucky said.

"Boo!" the crowd roared. "Give him another chance, give him another chance!"

Why did the Loserville TARD’s Cheerleader have bruises around her belly button?
Cause Loserville TARD’s men are dumb, too.

What's the difference between a Loserville TARD’s cheerleader and an elephant?
About 10 pounds
How do you make it even?
Force-feed the elephant.

A fellow went to the doctor who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live. So he decided to talk to his pastor.

After the man explained his situation, he asked his Pastor if there was anything he should do.

"What you should do is go out and buy a late '70 or early '80 model Dodge Pickup," said the Pastor. "Then go get married to the ugliest woman you can find, and buy yourselves an old trailer house in Loserville. Then, purchase season tickets to basketball and football games for the Loserville TARDS "

The fellow asked, "Will this help me live longer?"

"No," said the pastor, "but it will make what time you do have seem like forever."

Earlier this week, Loserville TARD’s cheerleaders began showing up with little red dots covering their faces and their bodies. Doctors were mystified about the dots and began running extensive tests on the girls. Finally, the doctors concluded that the dots were actually marks left by 10-foot poles!

Two guys go hunting together, A UK fan and a Loserville TARD’s fan.
The Loserville TARD’s fan collapsed. The UK fan checked for a pulse and found none. He checked for breathing...none. He got on his cell phone and dialed 9-1-1.
The 9-1-1 operator answered.
"I think my hunting partner is dead" shouted the UK fan.
The operator asked the guy to "calm down". She then advised him..."first make sure he is dead".
There was a pause and then a gunshot.
The UK fan gets back on the phone..."Now What"?

A guy asks a young Loserville TARD’s cheerleader he’s just slept with, “Am I the first guy you ever made love to?”
The Loserville TARD’s cheerleader ashes out her cigarette and replies, “You might be. Your face looks familiar.”

I was in the office one day when this mother and father brought their little boy (all of them Loserville fans) in for a check up. Little Johnny turned out to be in perfect health, and the parents were relieved to hear that. But before they left, they asked me about the boy’s extremely small penis. I told them that to fix the problem, they just needed to feed the boy pancakes. So the next morning, little Johnny comes down the stairs and there is this huge stack of pancakes sitting on the table.
"Are all these for me?" asked Johnny.
"Just take two," said the mom. "The rest are for your father."

A Loserville TARD’s fan got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. ''If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.'' Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about 45 minutes. Finally, the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, ''Well, I'm done with the parking lot here at Wal-Mart, now you can follow me over to K-Mart.''

Q: How can you tell a Loserville TARD’s cheerleader has been in your fridge?

A: There is lipstick on the cucumber

A Loserville TARD’s fan walks in on his son masturbating and says, “Son, stop that right now, or you’ll go blind.”
His son replies, “I’m over here, Dad!”

Billy Bob and Luther, two Loserville TARD’s fans, were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different.
“The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn’t get pregnant again.”
Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”
Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Earline with me.”

A couple are in bed talking, and the boyfriend, a Loserville TARD’s fan, decides to make a joke. He says, “Just think, if your breasts could give milk, we could get rid of all the cows. And if your vagina could lay eggs, we could get rid of all the chickens.”
“Oh, yeah?” she replies. “Well, if you could get it up, we’d be able to fire the pool guy.”

A husband and a wife, a former Loserville TARD’s cheerleader, want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local golf club. The man and woman meet the pro and head to the driving range. The man goes up first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says, ''Not bad. Now hold your club as firmly as you hold your wife's breast.'' The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says, ''Excellent!''
Now the woman takes her turn. She hits the ball 30 yards. The golf pro says ''Not bad, but try holding the club like you hold your husband's manhood.'' She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. ''Not bad," says the golf pro, "now try taking the club out of your mouth.''

A Loserville TARD’s cheerleader goes into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned. She asks the clerk, “How much?”
He doesn’t hear her correctly and says “Come again?”
She giggles and says “No…it’s just mustard this time.”

Rick and JoAnn Pricktino just got a new house. Then Rick turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left. When she got to the hardware store, got the hinge, and put it on the counter in front of the clerk. He noticed that she didn't have any screws for it, so he asked her ''Do you want a screw for that hinge?''
She looked back at him and said ''No, but I'll blow you for that toaster in the window.''

A Loserville TARD’s fan gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he asks.
"I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he is dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.
''You bastard," says the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"

One day, a mime is visiting the Loserville TARD’s zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office.
The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. Since, this is the Loserville TARD’s Zoo, they can’t afford a new Gorilla because Jurich has sucked the University dry.
He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts the offer.
So, the next morning, before the crowd arrives, the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people, and he draws larger crowds than he ever did as a mime on the street.
However, eventually the crowd tires of him, and he tires of just swinging on auto tires. He notices that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top of the lion's cage.
Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction.
Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowd grows larger, and his salary keeps going up.
Then, one day, when he is dangling over the top of the lion's cage, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion raises himself up and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run around the cage with the lion in hot pursuit.
Finally, the mime starts screaming, "Help! Help me!"
The lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion.
The lion says, "Shut up, you idiot, or we'll both lose our jobs!"

One day two Loserville TARD’s fans each bought a pig. The problem they were having was telling the two pigs apart.
So, the first Loserville TARD’s fan had an idea: He said, "I'll cut my pig's tail off, then we will know the difference." So he cut his pig's tail off.

That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's tail off. The next morning the Loserville TARD’s fan had a solution, he said,” I’ll just cut my pig's right back leg off." So, he did.

That night same thing; the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's right back leg off. The next morning the Loserville TARD’s fans were real upset and finally decided to cut the back left leg from the pig, so she did.

That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's back left leg off. The next morning the fans were really upset and didn't know how they were going to tell their pigs apart. So, one of them stated, "I will cut my pig's right front leg off. Then we can tell our pigs apart." So, he did.

That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's right front leg off. The Loserville TARD’s fans were really upset and decided the only logical explanation would be to cut the remaining leg off one pig. So, they did.

That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other pig's only leg off. The next morning when the Loserville TARD’s fans awoke they were devastated. Finally, the other fan spoke up and said, "How about you take the white one and I'll take the black one."